Tuesday, May 4, 2010

妻子的空位 - 一则感人的故事



4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder,
how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I  have, as I feel that I have fail to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my kid, and failed to be the dad and mum for my kid. There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping.
So thinking that there was still rice leftover, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

晚上回到家,我只是很簡短地和孩子打個招呼,就因為身體疲累,不想吃晚餐,脫掉西裝之後就直接  往床上躺下。就在那個時候,砰的一聲,紅色的湯汁跟泡麵瞬時弄髒了床單和被  原來有碗泡麵在棉被裡!這小子真是的,說時遲那時快,我即時拿起一個衣架,跑出去,往正玩著玩具的兒子的屁股就打,因為我實在是太生氣了,所以不停地打他。但就在這個時候,他邊啜泣邊說了一段話,使我停了下來。

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came come, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner.  However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all I heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'......a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bed sheet and blanket!

Boy was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking!
He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

說:「飯鍋裡的飯早上已經吃完了,晚餐在幼稚園吃了,但是到了晚上,爸爸還不回來,我就在櫥櫃的抽屜裡找到了泡麵。可是我想到爸爸說不能亂動瓦斯爐 所以我就打開洗澡的水龍頭,用熱水泡了泡麵,一個自己吃,另一個想留給爸爸吃。因為怕泡麵涼掉,所以我就把它放在棉被裡,等你回來。可是因為我正在玩向朋友借來的玩具,所以忘了跟爸爸講。」

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn’t anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turn on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till u return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad...."

淚,所以衝到洗手間,將水龍頭打開,大聲地哭。過了一陣子之後,我打起精神來,一面哄著兒子,一面也在他屁股上擦藥,讓他上床睡覺。當我清理好泡麵弄髒  的床單和棉被後,打開兒子的房門一看,發現他仍舊發出哭泣聲,手裡還拿著媽媽的照片。我把頭靠在房門站了許久,看著這一幕。

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn’t want my son to see his dad crying...so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the showerhead on to mask my cries.....

After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my
son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy....

歲了,不久後就要從幼稚園畢業,進入國小讀書。慶幸的是,兒子在這段時間 毫無陰影,很開朗地成長。

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs.. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

說,兒子沒有去學校,我心裡覺得很不安,所以早退回家,在整個社區裡大聲地喊他的名字,卻是遍尋不著。後來在文具店的門,看見他站在電玩的前面,於是我很生氣,又開始一直打他。兒子並沒有說出任何的解釋,只說了聲對不起。後來我才知道,原來剛好是幼稚園要邀請媽媽去 看才藝表演的日子。

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regrets. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn’t to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy......

說,他在幼稚園裡學了寫字,從此他經常關在自己的房間  裡不出來,很認真地寫字。我看到兒子這個樣子,想到妻子在天國也一定會因為看到他這樣 而微笑,我就無法忍住淚水。

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!

說我兒子把一綑沒有寫地址的信,惡作劇地放在 郵筒裡。每年到了年底,正是郵局最忙碌的時候,所以這對他們造成很大的困擾。雖然我已決定不再打孩子,但在急忙趕回家後,叫了兒子來,我又忍不住痛打他一頓。兒子這一次只是  他做錯了,卻沒有講出任何理由。我把他推到一個角落,不管了,自個兒跑到郵局領回那一  綑惡作劇的信。我把信丟到他眼前說:「你為什麼要這樣惡作劇?」兒子哭著回答說:「這些信是我要寄給媽媽的。」

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It is winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the Christmas spirit is in every passer-by...  Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble... When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called..  Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee...  Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain.   I pushed him towards a corner,  went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son
on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.

 表現出來。我接著問他:「那麼,為什麼一次寄這麼多信呢?」兒子回答說:「以前我要把信 投進去的時候,因為個兒太矮,所以沒辦法投入,但是最近我再去郵筒時,已經搆得到了,所以我就把以前沒有寄的,一次全部都投進入了。」
My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: "I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."


After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say....
I told my son, "Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but could not help opening the letter before they turn to ash.


And one of the letters broke my heart....



Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well... I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he could not help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday  I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide  and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much.
Too much for our own good I think.. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why haven’t you appeared?


After reading the letter, I can’t stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my  wife....


For the females with children:
Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

戶,有比我們的身體重要嗎?一定要想一想,有沒有辦法做到客人非我們不行,我們的差異化在哪裡,我們是否真的懂客 人的心,這比拼命喝酒,還重要,請務必要照顧自己的身體,才可以好好疼惜妳的  小寶貝和你的愛人。

For the married men:
Drink less, smoke less, ‘cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way; are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? Or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little   precious and your loved ones.


For those singles out there:
Beauty lies in loving yourself first.
With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

-- (孔子)。
Related Posts with Thumbnails